hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
