I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
