The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
