and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
