I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
