They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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