If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize