When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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