apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
