Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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