but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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