I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
