You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
