3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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