and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
