Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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