We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
ok first of all what the fuck
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
