I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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