hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
