Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
