Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
