I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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