Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
