How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
