ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
