I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
