i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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