Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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