We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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