I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
