Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
do herpes really smell.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
