I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
