i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
