Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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