I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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