Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
