it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
