In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
