Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No subtext here. People are naked.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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