I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
