her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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