update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
