Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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