Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
