stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
