In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
