i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize