Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
