Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You are the jesus of drinking
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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