I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
