the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
