I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
