So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize