You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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