I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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