me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
