i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
