I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
