I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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