Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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