We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
