she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
