I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
