We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
