He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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