I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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