ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i think i just lost a toe
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
