genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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