yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
