Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize