I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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